So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
