Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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