did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
