He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
