the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
