I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
