I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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