i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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