K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
