We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
