sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
