got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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