I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
