Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
