she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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