She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
