Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
