in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we're so committed to being not committed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
