he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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