You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
