i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
