I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
