i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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