if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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