how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
