He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
