Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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