We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
