Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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