Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
