Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
