as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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