mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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