Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
