see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
