So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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