I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
