So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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