you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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