We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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