Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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