You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
