Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
