i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
