lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
