i think i have two assholes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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