You made me cry and you don't even care
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
