I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
