If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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