6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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