Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
