suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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