I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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