i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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