Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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