Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
where does the pee come out of this thing
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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