Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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