Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What drink are we having for lunch?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
