people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
