I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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