I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
