Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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