she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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