Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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