I wish I could teleport
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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