you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
