are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
