So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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