you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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