i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
