so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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