Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
