i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
two words: eviction party
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
