Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
