Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
