I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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